When Will I Learn

True to form when I feel good I overdo it, when I over do it I get sick and I pay for it. DUMB DUMB DUMB but I wouldn't have missed going down into the woods for anything. I would have liked to miss the climb back up out of them though. I don't like to tell people when I'm hurting or sick for reasons. Usually my red cheeks with the telltale butterfly/wolf mask rats me out. Tonight I told someone and right away I wanted to run and hide because they knew how I felt. Go back in time 14 years and that's when my Ex started taking over the care of his sick wife. He told the doctors about my symptoms, actually he made up symptoms that were a lot worse than what I had. In turn the doctors believed the "loving husband" so prescribed even more drugs. I slept for two year and was in a wheel chair for two more of those years. One day I got angry at my life, went to see my doctor and asked him to take me off of all the prescriptions except what was absolutely necessary. I started going to accupuncture. I got back on my horse and off the drugs. I stayed angry but I became focused. I dropped tons of weight which the steroids put on. I started questioning a lot of things, got nosey and broke into emails. My cousin Bevy called me Sherlock but the more I dug the more things became clear Elementary My Dear Watson. On our 25th wedding anniversary he told me he would agree to the divorce that I wanted. He said it was for the best because he was still young and healthy and I wasn't healthy so it would be better for him. Can I post bastard here? lol I was pleased as punch best anniversary present I ever got. I'm still gun shy though at people knowing if I'm sick. I have to be strong not only for everyone else but to protect myself. That's who this girl has become and it is ok.

I'll still go out and overdo it on days I feel great and then pay for it for days after. I still don't use my common sense when it comes to that. But if you wake up in pain everyday and your good days are the pain that would put the normal person in bed it is only natural on those days you just want to fly. I'm not writing this looking for pity, absolutely not! There are millions of people worse off than me. I'm just writing it to air my brain out. lol