Briar Haven (1/30/2010)

The name of my home and my photography and partially the name of my favorite perfume (Nantucket Briar). Everyone needs a safe place and that is a Haven. In my life though I couldn't find that Haven without going through some very painful situations therefore the Briar part of the name. Let's face it anyone who has gotten stuck in a briar patch knows how painful it is and how difficult to extract yourself from it. Well I am no different. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that I found my safe haven after going through some very painful parts of my life. And so Briar Haven was born through my photography and then my home in the mountains of North Carolina.

Listening

The snow is coming down steady and hard. Soon the mountain will be blanketed in the most delicious silence. Don't get me wrong I love the sound of the wind, the birds, the rustling of the leaves but the silence that snow brings is comforting. Tonka sits by the door waiting for me to put on my boots, coat, hat and scarf so we can go up to the pines. She is going to have to wait until tomorrow morning though. Yesterday on our walk I saw signs of coyotes and I won't take her out and risk running into them. They are horrible creatures that took my lil schnauzer Julius from me. Back to the snow. I remember in high school there was a group of us that would pile the sleds in who evers car we get and go out to Woodland Acres and sled down an old dirt back road. Guess I've always loved old dirt roads. Anyway it is among some of my best memories from high school. Now when I walk in the snow I think often of those kids who are now all grown and probably grandparents like me. Some have been called Home and I hope I see them in the afterlife. This past week I've been searching my memories and feelings so much more than I have in a very long time. How can feelings make a heaviness in my chest? Isn't it amazing how emotions can effect us physically. Last night my husband and I had a long emotional talk. Too often couples go for way too long without talking, without telling their partner their fears. This often erupts in anger and sharp words. We can either fight back or realize something is wrong with our partner. I try my hardest to take the latter action. He is a very strong man, has seen some horrible things, been through life and death situations but he is still a mortal man who has fears. I needed to listen to him and hear what he was feeling. I needed to open my heart again. I think it will all work out fine for now. And the snow keeps coming down and blanketing my lil mountain.

PS:

I've come to realize we can't go back but we can regret. I lost something forty years ago. I looked for it for thirty years and never found it. I might not have that item that meant a lot to me back then but I recently found something new that means a great deal to me. I reconnected with a dear friend and a friend is something I don't want to lose.

Although, my pet goose Gus is gunning for someone from forty years ago. Private joke.

Day 2 1/28/2010

I really should come up with a better title for these blogs but for now they will be just dated. Yesterday I drove up back into the mountain. Our house sits on Cheek Mt. Rd but the paved part ends at our property. My favorite part is the back dirt road that goes way up into the mountain, winds around and ends up out on the highway. Most of my photographs come right from my backyard which is up on the mountain. Yesterday wasn't very cold and the ice and snow had melted so I could get the car up the dirt road. There is a beautiful stream along the road that runs in and out of the mountain laurel. As the road climbs the drop off is a bit scary but I can't ever stop looking down at the stream. Yesterday I noticed a doe laying with her head in the stream her back leg had been ripped open. I don't know if she had gotten caught on a falling tree or what but there she lay lifeless with the look of fear still in her eyes. I didn't know what to do, should of I pulled her from the stream? It was getting dark and I couldn't get down the steep incline so I had to leave her there. I guess I'm an old softy. I love this mountain and how I can get lost in it. I suppose that means it is in my blood.

Day One 1/27/2010

I never blogged before; however, I have written my thoughts down over and over again. My problem is I don't organize them and then poof they scatter to the wind. Besides, my handwriting is atrocious and I type so much faster. Thanks mom for teaching me how to type. I wonder if she can read this blog in Heaven?

I live on a mountain in North Carolina. At 3600 feet and facing west we get some horrendous weather especially wind but I love it. I can see Grandfather Mountain from my front porch. It is the perfect place to live for a photographer. I have no training other than some online courses and the school of "try and try again". I've been so lucky to have been published, won numerous photographic contests and to be represented as an artist in different stores. My favorite compliment was "I see things through the lens that other people don't see with their eyes." I can only give the compliment to God after all He created me. Once again I wonder if this blog can be read up in Heaven?