Call Me Crazy

You can call me crazy but I'm not at all scared about my upcoming surgery.  I guess I've been through so many in the last couple years it is just another new scar kind of like a gunfighter's notch in his gun belt.  (I can't think what they call those thingys.)  Hopefully, this will be my last one and Mrs. Humpty Dumpty will be put back together again.  Now if they could only fix my face and stomach I'd be thrilled.  Isn't it funny how we judge ourselves by our appearance.  I ought to be happy I'm alive and licked the cancer but no I have to want to be perfect too.  Maybe I can wrap a bungee cord around my chin and bring everything back up so I look like I'm 35 again.  Something is going on in my head because I don't have the energy to do anything or go anywhere. My husband asked me the other night if I wanted to go out to a Mexican restaurant tonight. I jumped at the chance and said yes.  I know he forgot but I didn't even try to remind him. I just wanted to stay home where everything is safe and the norm.  Tonka took me for a walk today and she was out of control.  I kept yelling at her and the more I yelled the more she pulled. I finally just headed home.  See everything is out of whack.  Maybe I really am concerned about this week and I'm just fooling myself.  It isn't the surgery that scares me it is the anesthesia.  Ok, so after writing all of this maybe I'm not so strong after all. It is the elephant in the room again.