I'm Coming Back

I have avoided this blog because it caused sadness to read things I wrote.   Since the beginning I have lost family members, dear friends and pets to death.  I have become bitter, depressed, stoic, and probably more adjectives than I want to admit.  I came to realize the hardest part about becoming and adult and growing is is that we lose too much.  It is an inevitable fact of life and it is high time I accepted it and move on.  So here I go moving on and looking for what is good in life.  About time wouldn't you say?   There is always  some family member, friend or any ol' human being that has it a lot worse than me.  So I'll just slap myself up the side of the head and give me some common sense.    I have friends that tell me they would love to live where I am far from all the craziness going on in our country.  I have to agree with them.  My biggest problem here is the crazy drivers or wild coyotes.  Not bad considering all across our country teenagers who are bored are killing their fellow human beings?   Today is the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther's speech.  Where is his dream now?   God look down on us and help our pitiful selves because YOU are all we have.

November 2, 2012

Hello my friend,  it has been too long since I have visited here.  Once again I write of the Elephant in the room.  This time, IT has attacked my sister.  My sister and I grew up in a small town and had an older brother.  My sister and I did not get along like so many sisters.  We had our moments though.  Our parents took us camping and often our group of kids, the older ones for her and my age group, got into the same amount of trouble.  I wasn't the best sister to her either.  Once out of anger I put goldenrod under her bed.  She was very allergic to ragweed.  I threw rocks at her boyfriends car the night they went "parking" down the old back dirt road near our house.  I was 4 years younger than her and as jealous of her as she was of me.  Then something strange happened, we both grew up.  Our first vacation together was after I graduated from high school.  She took me to Disney World for a whole week. It was 1973 and Orlando was still a small Florida town.  We rented a Firebird and had a ball.   I moved to Florida to go to school. Paige worked for the airline so she would fly down every weekend.  More often than not she would write me a check for $20 which would bounce.  That was just Paige.  It wasn't a bad check if it was written to family.  I got married, bought a home and my sister still came to visit.  We got along, it was a miracle.  I became pregnant and  had a little girl, my sister turned into a Jewish Mother. (No we aren't Jewish but she became over protective.)  When my daughter was ten months old I went to Boston for 2 weeks to see my sister.  We went all over New England. It was the best trip I ever had.  At one point we drove to Maine and got live lobsters. On the way back to Boston they got out of their container and crawled around the back of her car only inches from my baby girl.  We laughed our heads off as I tried to get them cornered back in their bag.  My lil girl learned to walk in Boston right in my sister's apartment.  I flew home and life changed again.   Our mother got sick, it was the Elephant in the room.  If I don't say the word Cancer then it isn't there....just like the elephant. We all went to Pennsylvania that summer to spend a few weeks with mom and dad.  It was the first time my lil girl went camping.  The whole family was together.   Mom got weaker and passed away.  My sister, the oldest of us, felt the most alone.  Another child was born, my son, and I tried in my sorrow to still be there for my sister but we slowly grew apart.  Seven years later on my mom's birthday my youngest son was born.  He is so much like my mom but stronger.   Forward twenty years, I had a failed marriage and a divorce.  I met someone new, we moved away and my sister and I reconnected.  It wasn't easy but the relationship came together again.  We became close although I still remained the critical one, the so called stronger of the two.  Now I look back and want to scream at myself "what the hell were you thinking why not just shut up".  I think she forgives me for being the bully.  We had a fun summer last year. She stayed up for 6 weeks and explored our new state. She bought a piece of property with her husband and dreamed of building a new home there.  This summer she came for only a week.  I was dissapointed and showed it.  She was becoming weaker from the MS or so we thought.  Today she is in ICU waiting for tests that will tell us how bad the cancer is.  I don't want to be alone. I am praying for her cure. I'm selfish and I hurt so bad.  I hate the elephant.  Why doesn't it just leave us alone?

I Am A Comic Routine

I really need to start putting down my day to day comic happenings more often.   Matilda my lil terrorier mix caused a lot of trouble this week.  The Xmas trees are being cut up on the mountain.  The pickup trucks with their trailer full of trees are coming down the mountain several times an hour until late into the day.  Matilda has learned to run up the hill into the pasture, hide behind a big tree on a curve in the road and jump out at the trucks as they come down the mountain.  I finally caught her at it on Tuesday as I saw her from the upstairs window.  It would have been funny if I hadn't been scared she would get run over.  I could see her peeking her head around the tree, one ear straight up listening for the next truck. She would hunch over then burst full speed out and around the tree right into the road.  Over and over she did this until I finally had enough, whistled for her and tied her up.  You would have thought that would have been enough trouble for Tilly The Terrible but the next day she got into more trouble.

Wednesday I was supposed to go to town to meet my girlfriend.  I was sitting having coffee with my husband when I heard our geese coming up the hill to be fed.  Before I could even stand up I heard Tilly barking up a storm and the geese screaming and flapping their big wings.  She had chased them not only down the hill to the pond but two went into the woods.  I got down to the pond, after chaining the monster up, and saw only two geese, George & Gracie, and Spot our duck.  I could hear Gus and Gertie screaming (yes my geese sound like they are screaming when there is BIG trouble).  I called Gertie who followed my voice and watched her crawl through the big brush of thorn bushes.  She was finally safe on the pond but Gus was no where in site.  I started to walk into the woods to find him when my husband said he was further away than I thought.  So back up the hill I climbed got the keys to the truck, cursed some more at Tilly and down the mountain I went.  I'd call to Gus out the window of the truck and listen to him honking back at me.  One half mile down the mountain I found myself a little bit closer to him.  Now this week has been unusually warm and I don't like walking in the woods when there is a chance of snakes.  I didn't have a choice this time.  I parked my truck and started calling to him.  "Gus where are you?  Mommy is here."  (Hey don't laugh if my friends call me Mother Goose I can tell Gus I'm his mommy.)  I finally located where he was which of course wasn't easy to get to.  I climbed down the hill, into the woods, over the a bunch of rocks to a little cleared area where Gus was.  Poor thing was shaking in his feathers.  He immediately started running towards me.  Oh so what if you say geese don't run, they do so it  just is kind of a funny running.  I picked him up, all 30 pounds of him, and he wrapped his long neck around mine.  Now that is a cute picture if I wasn't about an 1/4 of a mile off the road and it was all downhill at least when I climbed into the woods.  Believe me, nothing is harder than climbing up hill with a 30 pound goose who is shaking and still honking not to mention a few poops along the way.   I get up to the truck and realize I have no idea how to get him back home.  The only thing to do was put him in the back seat.  Yeah I know, it wasn't a good idea.  By the time I got into the truck the back seat had been covered in goose poop which smells awful.  Gus is still honking, flapping his wings and putting up a fuss. I turned the truck around and poof, Gus flew into the passenger seat and stuck his head out the window. Now a dog can stick their head out the window but a goose will only do it if he is trying to escape.  Nothing else for me to do but roll up the windows on a nice very warm November day.  The truck is warm and didn't smell very pleasant. In fact it STANK.  So back up the hill I go to Mother Goose's house.  By this time I'm trying to figure out who I can "gift" Tilly The Terrible to.  I pull the truck all the way down the drive in front of the house. I get Gus out of the truck where upon he defecates on me again.  I carry him down to the pond where he is safely back in the loving wings of Gertie and the gang.  Back up the hill I climb and who is on the porch but my loving hubby telling me "I told you not to get that dog."   Now when I'm really perturbed (pissed off) please don't tell me what I should have done because I'll just dig in my heels and ignore you.  I get the Green Machine (thank you Bissell

IF

If I keep posting my thoughts, then I can pretend you are still reading them.  It isn't the same but it helps. IF you happen to read my blog, would you please leave a note so I know you were here.

Empty Week But The Elephant Still Lurks

This week the calendar is empty for the first time in months.  We have no doctor appointments and no tests to go to.  It is a breather for a very short moment.   I should relax but I can't.  I feel like I'm in a very tiny house with windows everywhere kind of like a glass house.  Out of the corner of my eye THE Elephant keeps peaking in or listening.  I see an eye at a window or an ear and sometimes THE Elephant has the audacity to stick his trunk through an open door to smell our fear.  The tests are all done and only THE Elephant knows how invasive he is.  We won't know that for a couple weeks.  If I had a blunderbuss I'd shoot THE Damn Elephant right between his friggin eyes.

This I Promise You by N'Sync (Lyrics)

That's All For Now Folks!

Reincarnation

I believe in reincarnation to a point.  I don't think I'm going to come back as a lizard or anything so drastic.  I believe that God decides if our soul has been good enough to stay in Heaven or maybe get sent back down here to try harder.  I hope that this is our last time on earth and next trip is a permanent spot in Heaven with my family.  So dear one, I know you will be getting to Heaven before me but do me a favor....wait by that big old oak tree for me.  I'll be along someday. I promise you.