SHE

She tries to remember the first time She saw him.  It was over forty years ago and her memory fails her.  But She remembers the feeling.  It is the feeling that stayed with her all these years.  The feelings bring back some memories and it is from that which She pieces together the puzzle.  She remembers his eyes sweet but tinged with a little sadness. His strong chin and his smile.  She knew from the start that He would be special for her. She didn’t know it but she fell in love with him that moment they met.  She went home and stood in front of a mirror saying his name over and over again.  She was so young She didn’t know what had begun.  He was special to her, gentle and quiet.  He was a little too quiet because She never knew how he felt.  They were a match.  One night her mother caught them kissing and sent him home. She cried herself to sleep after her mother’s scolding.  Nice girls did not kiss in front of a window for everyone to see her mother said.  She thought something was wrong with her. How could anything so sweet be so bad?  She saw him everyday at school. She knew when he was near because her heart pounded.   She knew nothing about love. That wasn’t spoken of in her home.  He would be with her in her yard at night. He would look at her through the V in the tree and She would melt.  One day She went to meet him. She dressed especially sharp in her new hip hugger jeans, a pink shirt and a sharp belt. They sat together on a couch in his “fort” as She would later think of it.  She thought they would kiss and hold each other more but He was quiet again. She thought he didn’t love her. He had never said it to her but She felt like it could be love.  One day, She started getting hateful notes.  She was told He didn’t like her that He felt sorry for her but couldn’t break up with her. They kept coming and the notes kept getting worse.  One day, one very very painful day She  said goodbye to him.  That night and many many  more nights after that. She cried herself to sleep. She would see him in the hallway at school but couldn’t talk to him. She didn’t know how. She still loved him so very much.  He found someone new.  That someone was the person who started the rumors and the notes that He had been cheating on her.    She felt so betrayed yet she still cared.  She dated other boys, some good some bad none like him.  She moved away but never forgot him.  Over they years She would think of him, call his name out when She was alone.  She felt so alone since saying goodbye to him.  Even after She married and had children She  thought of him often. She thought she was crazy to carry on that way. She never ever told anyone.  Years later She met someone new and he took her away from the sadness.  Then one day She heard the boy’s name again.  She didn’t know what to do.  She was older now and she was happy.   She still doesn’t know what to do or think. What She does know is He still thought of her.